Caught in the Crossfire of Online Battles: Women as Secondary Victims of Cyberbullying

By Nyasha B. Dube

The digital age has revolutionized how we communicate, debate and interact. Platforms like X (formerly Twitter) and Facebook provide spaces where opinions clash, often escalating into full-blown conflicts. While men frequently engage in heated cyber battles, a troubling pattern has emerged. Women, particularly those connected to these men, are dragged into these fights as secondary victims of cyberbullying. 

When online disputes turn ugly, men often retaliate by targeting their opponents’ female partners, mothers, sisters or daughters. These women, who may have no involvement in the argument, find themselves subjected to name-calling, body-shaming, slut-shaming and other forms of digital harassment. This dynamic not only exposes the deeply ingrained misogyny in digital spaces but also has severe emotional, psychological and even social consequences for the women involved. 

How Women Get Dragged into Men’s Cyber Wars

1. Personal Attacks by Association

When two men argue online, one of the most common tactics of retaliation is to attack each other’s personal lives. Instead of debating the topic at hand, some resort to insults aimed at their opponent’s female partner or family members. 

- “That’s why your girlfriend/wife is ugly.” 

- “Your mother should have raised you better.” 

- “Your sister is just as dumb as you.” 

These kinds of statements reflect the belief that women are extensions of the men in their lives, rather than individuals with their own identities. 

2. Body-Shaming and Sexist Insults

Women are often demeaned through physical insults, regardless of their actual appearance. If a man loses an argument online, his female partner may suddenly become a target of body-shaming, mocked for her weight, complexion or general looks. This reinforces the toxic notion that a woman’s value is tied to her physical attractiveness. 

3. The Use of Misogynistic Slurs

Another disturbing trend is the use of gendered slurs to insult both the man and the woman he is associated with. Words like “whore,” “gold digger,” or “desperate” are thrown around, even if the woman in question has done nothing to warrant such attacks. 

4. Exposing Private Information (Doxxing)

In extreme cases, men involved in cyber feuds go as far as exposing personal information about their opponents’ female partners, such as posting their pictures, social media handles or even addresses. This opens them up to harassment from strangers, putting their safety at risk. 

5. The Pressure to Defend Themselves

Women who find themselves caught in these online battles often feel pressured to respond. However, defending themselves can make things worse, as trolls tend to escalate their attacks once they know they have triggered a reaction. 

The Emotional and Psychological Impact on Women

1. Anxiety and Emotional Distress

Being dragged into an online war unwillingly can cause severe emotional stress. Women may experience anxiety, depression, or even panic attacks when they see their names being tarnished on public platforms. 

2. Damage to Reputation

In cultures where a woman’s reputation is closely guarded, public insults, especially those involving sexuality, can have lasting consequences. Even if the accusations are baseless, social media attacks can lead to real-world consequences, such as social isolation or family conflicts. 

3. Fear of Online Engagement

After experiencing cyberbullying, many women withdraw from online spaces altogether. They may deactivate accounts, stop expressing their opinions or self-censor to avoid future attacks. This silence is a loss, as it limits women’s ability to participate in digital conversations. 

4. Strained Relationships

A woman who is repeatedly targeted because of her partner’s online arguments may begin to resent him, leading to tension in their relationship. She may feel that his online presence is putting her at risk, forcing her to demand that he either stop engaging or be more careful. 

The Bigger Picture: Misogyny in Digital Spaces

The fact that women become collateral damage in men’s online fights is a reflection of broader gender inequalities. These attacks expose how women’s bodies, reputations and dignity are weaponized to control men. The idea that attacking a woman is the ultimate way to insult a man reveals just how much women are still viewed as possessions rather than individuals. 

What Can Be Done?

1. Holding Social Media Platforms Accountable

Tech companies must do more to curb gendered cyberbullying. This includes stricter policies against misogynistic attacks, better reporting mechanisms and faster response times in taking down abusive content. 

2. Calling Out Cyber Misogyny

Men and women alike should challenge these toxic online behaviors. When someone tries to insult a man by attacking his female partner, bystanders should call it out and shift the conversation back to the original issue. 

3. Empowering Women Online

Women need support in reclaiming digital spaces. Encouraging digital literacy, providing cyber-safety resources and building strong online communities can help women navigate these challenges more confidently. 

4. Encouraging Responsible Online Behavior Among Men

Men need to recognize the harm they cause when they drag women into their conflicts. Engaging in online discussions with maturity, avoiding personal attacks, and discouraging peers from involving women in cyber fights can help curb this trend. 

The fact that women become secondary victims of men’s cyber wars highlights a deeper problem of misogyny in digital spaces. Women should not have to suffer humiliation, harassment or emotional distress simply because of their association with someone engaged in an online dispute. It’s time for social media users, platforms and society at large to take a stand against this toxic culture and create safer digital spaces for everyone.