February is the month of love, a time when romance is celebrated with flowers, chocolates and heartfelt gestures. But for many, Valentine’s Day is a painful reminder of love that wasn’t kind—love that hurt instead of healed.
As we embrace the spirit of love this month, it’s crucial to remember: true love should never come at the cost of your safety, dignity or well-being. Love should uplift, not break; it should comfort, not harm. Yet, for many women, especially survivors of gender-based violence (GBV), love has been weaponized against them in the form of domestic and intimate partner violence.
Love Is Not Meant to Break You
Love is often misrepresented as something that requires endless sacrifice, even in the face of suffering. Many women are made to believe that enduring pain is a sign of loyalty or commitment. This is a dangerous lie. No form of love should require bruises, fear or silence. If your relationship has ever made you feel worthless, afraid or trapped, that is not love—it is abuse.
Domestic and intimate partner violence can take many forms—physical, emotional, sexual, financial and psychological. It may begin subtly with controlling behaviors, isolation from loved ones or manipulative words. Over time, these patterns escalate into outright violence, leaving survivors feeling powerless. But remember, you are not powerless. You deserve more.
Navigating Valentine’s Day as a Survivor
Valentine’s Day can trigger a whirlwind of emotions for GBV survivors. It may bring memories of past pain, loneliness or even self-doubt. If this time of year feels heavy, remind yourself that love does not begin and end with a partner.
Love is also self-care, healing and surrounding yourself with those who genuinely cherish you. This Valentine’s Day, prioritize your well-being:
Practice self-love. Treat yourself with kindness and affirm that you are worthy of happiness and respect.
Seek support. Connect with trusted friends, family, or support groups that empower you.
Set boundaries. If reminders of past relationships cause distress, step away from situations that trigger pain.
Reach out for help. If you are still in an abusive relationship, know that support is available, and you do not have to face it alone.
As we celebrate love this month, let’s also stand in solidarity with survivors. Let’s commit to breaking the cycle of silence, raising awareness and supporting those who need a way out. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please seek help from local organizations, shelters or crisis hotlines. You are not alone, and your life matters.
Love should never hurt. Love should never instill fear. Love should never cost you your peace. This Valentine’s Day, let’s redefine love—not as endurance of pain, but as a force of kindness, respect and safety. Let’s choose love that heals, not harms.
If you need help or know someone who does, please reach out. Your voice matters, and support is available.
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