Information & Support

"I feel like I have no control over my life. After losing my husband, I've been forced into another marriage against my will.”

The Weight of Tradition and Loss

"I feel like I have no control over my life. After losing my husband, I've been forced into another marriage against my will.”

In my culture, when a woman's husband dies, she is expected to marry one of his male relatives—usually his brother or another close family member. It’s a tradition deeply rooted in our community, intended to protect the widow and her children, to keep the family bond strong. At least, that’s how they justify it.

But the truth is, I feel trapped, like I’m shackled to a destiny I never chose. My husband is gone, and now, just when I need space to grieve, I’m expected to step into a new marriage, as if my grief, my pain, and my choices mean nothing. The walls close in around me, suffocating any sense of freedom.

I ask myself all sorts of questions I have no answers to:

• How can I honor my late husband when I am being forced into a life I didn’t choose?

• Why is my identity tied to someone else's decisions?

I had dreams of my own, but those seem so far away now. The people who are supposed to protect me are the ones forcing me into this new life, without my consent. I lost my identity, my own desires, and I’m just a widow being passed on to the next man, as though my worth is tied to someone else. Each day feels like a reminder that I have no say in my future.

The Loss of Hope

"It feels as though I'm treated as property that can be passed on, not as a person with rights and choices."

The hardest part? I understand why the tradition exists. It's meant to shield me from financial struggles, to make sure I’m provided for. But I can't help but wonder, is this the only way? Why should I have to sacrifice my autonomy, my dignity, in the process? The notion that I must marry again for the sake of security feels like a cruel joke, my freedom for their comfort.

Every day, I wake up with this weight on my chest. The future feels bleak, like an endless cycle of being controlled. My voice feels small, my heart heavy. I don't feel seen. I don’t feel like my feelings, my dreams, or my hopes matter anymore.

• Is my worth really defined by who I’m married to?

• Can I ever reclaim my autonomy in a system that thrives on control?

I'm losing hope, bit by bit. I'm losing myself in the process of trying to uphold a tradition that doesn’t protect me but just imprisons me. I want to scream, to break free, to reclaim my life, but every pathway seems closed off, leaving me with a profound sense of isolation.

If this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone. You deserve the right to decide your future, and there are resources that can help you reclaim your voice.

It's necessary to understand not just the rules and traditions, but also the profound emotional impact they can have on individuals. Your experiences and feelings matter, and it's important to recognize the struggles that are faced in silence.